it's easier to balance eating and enjoy peace of mind when other mental struggles are not dominating your mind.

since the year began, a close friend of mine was severely beaten and mugged, i have entered the first relationship in five years (and since my ex died), and i have made extreme social strides and then a quick return to hermit mode.

my eating has been just as chaotic, and my body image has swung up and then down. i kid you not, i was about 99% happy with my body at the beginning of this year...now i may be at about 50%. which is better than in the past but...ugh.

so many issues are resurfacing. i still have a love/hate relationship with life in general, which tends to manifest physically in the act of binging and purging. granted, it's only happened a few times this year, but it's also january 12th. that's not a great track record.

yes, it can stop, and i can reclaim life (and i will...this WILL just be another blip in my life), but i'm still stuck dealing with emotions that i wish i could part with permanently.

oh if only there was a way to forever remain at the peaks in life.