i made a post on tf kind of a while back now about how i feel bad about not posting.

i have to update that whole idea: i feel bad about browsing the forums now.

bad because, yes, it does trigger me. it triggered me severely when someone posted about how they eat 1400 calories because they are recovered.

what? i eat 1800 calories. at least. sometimes more.

i went into a spiral after reading that of two days of beating myself up, seeing fat in the mirror, even b/ping twice.

alas, i'm done. i have to accept my limitations. i guess i would love to help others because i know that *i* am in a better place. but for some reason, i can't seem to bring others up...instead, i fall down.

ah, being a human. i know this isn't uncommon. but i wanted so badly to make good out of the situation :(

by the way, i'm okay now. i snapped back into realizing that 1. it doesn't matter how many calories i need, or anyone else needs and 2. even if it did, i'd rather enjoy my life than start counting calories again.

how easily that could have gone tremendously out of control though...!